CDA: Are You A Victim?

Cognizant Dissonance Anemia (CDA) is the newest discovery of psychological dysfunction affecting growing numbers of Americans, sending shock waves through medical professionals and political experts alike. Some fear this trending disorder has the potential to become the very cause of the destruction of American society.

To date, there is no known cure, treatment or vaccine. Pfizer did not immediately respond to requests for comment. In fact, they didn’t respond at all.

Cognizant Dissonance is defined as “…the perception of contradictory information. Relevant items of information include a person's actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, and things in the environment. Cognitive dissonance is typically experienced as psychological stress when persons participate in an action that goes against one or more of those things.” Cognition

Other definitions maintain “cognitive dissonance describes the discomfort experienced when two cognitions are incompatible with each other.” – Leon Festinger

In simpler times, cognizant dissonance was likely known “having a guilty conscience.”

Anemia can be caused by a variety of factors. Symptoms include tiredness, weakness, shortness of breath, headaches, lack of energy, constant whining, up-talking, loss of sense of humor and frequent sneezing.

When combined, Cognizant Dissonance Anemia is an individual’s discomfort with perceiving contradictions in current events indicating imminent danger to life, liberty and happiness, but lacking the initiative and energy to actually do anything about it. Diagnosis is often mistaken for Contagious Apathy, already at epidemic levels throughout the country in adults of voting age.

Treatment remains vague inasmuch as neither the CDC, RNC nor DNC consider CDA an issue. In fact, unconfirmed reports have circulated for some time that these organizations do not see CDA as a problem at all; lack of citizen involvement actually makes their jobs easier and nefarious goals more attainable by maintaining minimum interference from conscientious, motivated individuals whose intellects have effectively self-immunized them.

If you believe you may be a victim of CDA, some self-testing has shown positive results. First, read several current NYT or WaPo ‘news stories’ or watch 30 uninterrupted minutes of NPR, C-SPAN, or CNN. Immediately take your blood pressure. If normal, you likely have contracted CDA. Regular doses of Tom Sowell articles mixed with equal parts of Babylon Bee Editorials have been shown efficacious among individuals in Red states. Blue state data are currently unavailable.

Efforts to stop CDA are being conducted by libertarian, anarcho-capitalist and volunteerist organizations. Donations are welcome and not tax deductible. Of course.



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